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Text of Alice's Restaurant

Some SoCô¿ôL Pages Are More Pleasant Than Others
August 27, 1997

I wish I could fully describe the PAIN. I wish, more importantly, that there was somehow, someway to make it go away.

I attended the Appeals hearing for the decision to deny SoCô¿ôL Bob his unemployment compensation when he was terminated from his employment as a car salesperson for having written a note to a customer

IN ADDITION: I would be interested in a date with you - I'm single - are you ???
I appeared at the hearing with a stack of papers .... what ? ... about 50 pages. The gentleman who is conducting the hearing says at the outset ... here's how the hearing is going to work. The representative of the car dealer will go first and say what he has to say. I know it will be tempting to interrupt, but just hold off, because Mr. Kennedy will go second.

The representative of the car dealer, the same person whom I attempted to "complain" about constantly threatening to terminate me, tells the story of the phone call from the former customer of this magnificent representative of the American and Japanese way.

  • He says he got the phone call July 2, 1997
  • He says that the lady in question sounded upset .... nervous.
  • He says that she says that she had a disturbing conversation with one of the sales representatives there ... SoCô¿ôL Bob
  • Included in the conversation was her apparent reference to the fact that she had just had a "pedicure." Her toes he says she says were "painted" pink.
  • And he says, she says, that SoCô¿ôL Bob went OOOOOOOOO when he saw her pink toes.
  • This caused her to literally shiver as she realized SoCô¿ôL Bob had her address.
  • He says, she then says, that in addition, somewhere in the conversation of negotiating the purchase of her new automobile, SoCô¿ôL Bob made reference to a previous customer, an older woman, whom he had waited on recently, and with whom he had had some "problem." The story SoCô¿ôL Bob told, he says, she says, was that the woman had complained of "hot flashes" on the test drive, spoke of her problem with her menapause, and had touched SoCô¿ôL Bob. He says, shes says, SoCô¿ôL Bob said that he didn't know, but under current interpretation of the SEXUAL HARASSMENT laws, he thought that her behavior could be construed by some as SEXUAL HARASSMENT.

    He said, "She said, He said Ooooooo"

  • She then goes on to describe receiving the Thank You Letter in the mail, with the handwritten note
    IN ADDITION: I would be interested in a date with you - I'm single - are you ???
    He says, she says, she found this to be UNBELIEVEABLE - asking for a date ?

    ********** And you, you're finding this BELIEVEABLE ?

  • This he says, she says, worried her ... SCARED HER.

    Apparently having concluded with the dealers side of the story, the gentleman in charge turns to SoCô¿ôL Bob. My turn?

    I began with the first page of the documents I have neatly stacked on the table. Section 1256 of the Unemployment Insurance Code where I attempted to first point out that the code makes reference to the presumption that is stated in that law, that the employee did not commit misconduct. This presumption can be overcome by the statement of the employer setting forth facts sufficient to overcome the presumption.

    I got the distinct impression that the employer had already OVERCOME that burden ?

    The judge presiding essentially says .... that's irrelevant. I several times indicated that what I had to say he wasn't interested in .... and he several times objected to the words ... "not interested" ... preferring instead "not relevant."

    I then attempted to proceed with the next document, my resume, along with an explanation that the first point I wanted to make was that the REAL REASON for terminating me was not as stated. I intended to demonstrate, through several documents, that the party in question, the one whom he had just listened to the he say she say, had several times THREATENED to fire me in the past. For not wearing sunglasses, for being 3 minutes late to a meeting. ( Already you're beginning to tell that SoCô¿ôL Bob is actually a menace to society .... a "deranged" "asker" ..... and "irrelevant.") Yep ... he says that's irrelevant too ... apparently not interested in the Supreme Court case that held that where the facts demonstrate that an employer has LIED about the reason for terminating someone, it is presumed that the real reason is the ILLEGAL ONE. He says, he's pretty sure, "that's irrelevant."

    At this point he's beginning to become impatient .... looking at the clock ... because there is so little time.

    He asks the dealers representative, if he has anything further, gives him time for suitable pause while he contemplates the next "salvo" .... ( he said ooooooo - when he saw her toes ) .... then decides, quite brilliantly, in my opinion, that nothing more is necessary.

    SoCô¿ôL Bob ... has been ... and will be ... "convicted" again ... for committing the said crime of saying ooooooo when he saw her toes ? ( By the way, this is supposed to be a "professional woman" ... and a "professional man" ... I guess .... who have uttered these comments in all seriousness .... in The United States of America .... in SoCô¿ôL .... Sonoma County ) The decision will come soon ... in writing.

    You realize too ... one would guess ... that the REAL CRIME is the one I'm committing right now. Having been denied my right to employment ... having been denied the opportunity to seek employment anywhere near here ... in an industry where I have worked off and on since 1968 ..... NOT ONLY did I say ooooooo ... he says she said ... but I have had the audacity to print it .... and deny that it is RELEVANT. Is saying oooooo covered by the First Amendment right to freedom of "expression?" Are you sure ? What if he says she says it was SEXUAL HARASSMENT ?

    Can you imagine what they're going to do to me now ??? NO ... I mean it .... If you've read this far can you imagine what these people, whoever they might be, are going to do to SoCô¿ôL Bob now ? Can you imagine being blackballed ... black listed .... denied employment in the CAR BUSINESS .... for saying ooooooo ?

    Hey ... what's with this guy ??? Doesn't he like America ??? What is he ... down on SoCô¿ôL ... Sonoma County??? Did he really say what he said she said he said ... oooooooo .... AND ... ask her for a date ??? Why this guy brings nothing but destruction and depravity ... wherever he goes. I don't wanting him saying ooooooo to anyone I know. Where does he get off saying oooooooo ? especially to a female professional woman from Marin County ???

    I wish it were really funny .... I wish it weren't really true. I wish I could think that there really was some justice in this INCREDIBLE STORY .... and maybe most important of all ... I wish I could prove it were true. You work hard enough, you play, as best you can, by the rules of common decency, of respect for your fellow humans, you raise a 7 month old baby, by yourself, until he's grown to become a man. You take him with you to the "hearing" because you want him to see "how things really work" ... in SoCô¿ôL ... Sonoma County .... U. S. of A. And then you apologize. Apologize to him for the dangerous human you've raised him to become, and apologize because despite your own best efforts, he said she said you said ooooo .... and ... because of your own lack of diligence and decency .... God forbid ... someday ... he might say she said he said ooooooo .... tooooooo.

    Oh ... SoCô¿ôL Bob has a new job ... but guess what ? What does that matter ? I'm a few days away from not being able to pay the rent ... or the car payment .... my gut is so tied up in knots the only thing I can think of to do at this moment is to write .... for what ??? So that some other "poor fool" will find strength in the American Way ... in Justice and Humanity in SoCô¿ôL ... Sonoma County ? So that some other lost soul can find strength and solace ... the only strength I can find ... in the notion that someone greater than oneself paid a similar price ... on the cross .... for FAR LESSER CRIMES. Solace indeed !!!

    Sexual Harassment Quiz .... Part Two ... Pick Two
    1. Oh Lord ... why hast though foresaken me ???
    2. Oh Lord ... forgive them, for they know not what they do !!!
    3. I disagree :)
    Ooooops ??? You'll never guess .... I WON !!!

    "The claimant was tring to sell an automobile to the lady. In good faith he was attempting to use every sales technique in his arsenal to make the sale."

    "these were good faith errors in judgment and discretion and were not a wilful or wanton or deliberate course of conduct pursued by the claimant to the employer's detriment or gross neglicence on the claimants part."

    Thank You Jesus, and the State of California Unemployment Insurance Appeals Board !!!

    P.S. Would you believe it ... the employer appealed !

    Would you believe it .... I won again !!!

    Bully For You?
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