Sexual Harmony

HERE WE GO AGAIN !!!

From: sfpd@hotmail.com (Brad) Subject: Sexual Harrassment Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by Brad (sfpd@hotmail.com) body: Well, where do I start but by saying, YES !!!! I am so glad to see a site like this. As I write this letter I say to you SoCoOL Bob,"Way to go on winning your case." Also while I write this I am looking over my deposition as first day of court for me is tomorrow 2-9-98. It has taken 2 years for this to happen and I finally get my day in court. And the story goes like this .......... A woman whom I was friends with was working part-time at a fitness center where I work and my parents own. She then came to work full time for us (notice I didn't say me )after working part-time for around a year. She came to me to ask for the full time position but I told her I didn't do the hiring that it was left up to the General Manager (a female). Well needless to say she was hired and worked there about 3 months. Once working full time we became close. She would tell me about past relationships and problems she had in her life, including her current relationship she had. She was obviously unhappy because she would talk about leaving him and asked me on several occasions to take her jet skiing and out to dinner. I never did either of her requests. Now, I am not going to sit here and say I was mister innocent, but the point is SHE spoke freely as I did. I never did talk about sex with her though, at leasts not between us. We would both talk about sexual issues, with her bringing up one important part of anal sex. She told me she was having problems with her intestines. Something about the fact that they were deteriorating and she may have to have surgery and it bothered her because she like to have anal sex ( if that isn't inviting me into her private life I don't know what is ). Well, in December of 96 she was going get breast implants done and that's all she could talk about. She talked to me about them, as in what size I thought she should get and she asked others also. Did I give her an answer, well of course I did, BUT she invited me too. Well she finally gets her implants and she is healed from her surgery ( before her surgery she wore tshirts and other big clothing to hide herself ) she walks in to the gym in a halter top READY to workout. The FIRST thing she does is come into my office ( thanks god a female employee was in the office at the time )and asks me if I think her breasts look too big in the top she was wearing. Did I give a response, of course I did, like I said I am no angel in this either. One night after the gym had closed she asked me again about the size of her breasts. She was wearing a sweatshirt, with no bra I might add. I told her there is know way for me to know if I though they were too big because I had never seen them before. Well, she grabs me by the hand and says follow me. She takes me back into the female locker room and proceeds to pull her shirt up. Did I look, what do you think? I gave her my opinion and then we left for the night. Well, on another night we are talking together about her relationship ( I was single then ) and then she started talking about us and what it would be like for us to go out. Before she left I made the comment " Well you really don't if your compatible until after you kiss." Well at that moment she put her left hand on my right shoulder and leaned over, we embraced and we kissed, she pulled back and looked at me, smiled and then we kissed again. She smiled at me and said, I'll see you tomorrow. Well then SLAM !!!! The very next day when she comes into work she pulls me into my office (alone) and states she has talked to a lawyer and this is sexual harrassment. I told her "Bull Shit" and I then confronted her about her showing me her breasts and her kissing me and talking about relationships and her breasts. She quickly calmed down and said she needed to think about things. 2 days later she comes in and says she has thought about it and she is not going to sue. She tells me she wants no further contact from me and I told her "Nothing will ever happen again between us." Well, she quits a month later and SLAM again...a law suit. Here are her allegations: I harrassed her from day one - When she was working part-time and continueing to full time. Note: She left a job making 2.50 more and came to work on a shift she didn't want to work. Also, if she was being harrassed part-time why in the hell would she want further abuse full time. That I reapetedly(sp) grabbed her breasts and rubbed up against her buttocks while up at the front desk. Note: Keep in mind this is a 21,000 sq ft club with 2,000 members. And yet NO-ONE saw anything. She claims in her deposition that she NEVER talked about her breast implants to anyone. Note: I have myself, and at least 2 others (both fem) as witnesses that she did talk about them. She claims I asked to take her Jet-Skiing all the time. Note: In fact she asked me ALL the time. She claims that I made rude and sexual comments to her on a repeated basis and that she never said anything. Note: Well lets start with ANAL SEX,Breasts, and sex in general. Now to me and what is going to happen in court tomorrow along with some background with me. Let us compare the two people here with FACTS: ME: High School Grad / U.S. Air Force w/Honorable Discharge Police Academy Grad / Been a Part-Time police officer for 4 yrs now 1 1/2 years of college / HER:High School Grad / Tried to commit suicide (hospitilized) Cocaine addict / psych. problems since age 8-She hears voices/ Tried to commit suicide in her late teens (hospitalized)/ All of the above is documented through discovery of records but hell she told me about most of it so my lawyers knew to go after it. She just seemed to leave out the fact that she heard voices and had psych problems. Well, here is what the courts are doing to me: They have surpressed her psych records, cocaine problems, her problems with keeping relationships. And just recently they have forbid us about talking about her (as they put it) breast augmentation. DO YOU FUCKING BELIEVE THAT.. Needless to say that is just about my whole case. Now her side can present her as a SWEET ANGEL. Personally I still can't believe this has gone to court. Oh yeah, did I mention that the judge hearing this case is a WOMAN. Also one last thing. This woman who is suing is claiming that I ruined her relationship with the man she was living with. Well, because the courts forbid it, we are not allowed to bring up the fact that while dating this SAME man and 4 months after she filed the case. She slept with a different man on a Friday night and then on the following Saturday a totally different man asked her to marry him and she said "YES" all while the present boyfriend was out ot town. I am not going to be able to even bring that up. IS THAT NOT AMAZING TO YOU? It is to me ........ How has this affected me? Well for the 1st year and half I trusted no one. I was harsh and cold to people. People began to here what had happened a and those that didn't know me that heard things third hand thought I was a pig. Those that knew me ( both men & women ) said NO WAY could I have done that. Needless to say I was not myself for a full year at least. I have felt and still feel like I have been raped mentally. I have headaches alot more and I can't buy a thing ( and haven't for 2 yrs )for fear of losing it should I lode the case for some damn reason. The whole case is he said she said. I do have 2 witnesses to that fact that she talked about here breasts but they might not even get to talk about it. Well, for the past 6 months I have done much better, I fainally just said "Screw It" and started being myself again and people are really backing me. In Closing...... I hope I win my case and will let you know how it goes if you like. I feel sorry for anyone that has to go through this and I hope that people can learn something by what I have told. My Lawyer bills are already up to $11,000 which is costly to me as I am having to defend myself. And by the way, you should of seen her lawyers mouths drop when I said I own no stock in the company ( my parent own it ). And they also keep talking settlement and I told them that would be admitting guilt in my eyes and I'll see you in court!!!! I feel this case is such a joke, but in real terms it is NO JOKE at all. It is scary and if one loses to a SCAM case can haunt them for life. Good luck to any of you that read this and are fighting a false caim. I feel for you and know what you are going through. To all you women out there - I know it is the small number of women out that that hurt your name and hopefully the women of the world will stand up and take notice of this problem that haunts many men. My Definition of SEXUAL HARRASSMENT : Anytime a person uses his/her power to help another gain while employed through sexual acts after the employee has refused such help or gain. Anytime a person (m or f) makes "sexual" remarks to another, and is TOLD by that person that they find those kinds of remarks offensive, and they continue with the remarks even after being told they are offensive. Do you feel the same as I do? Just curious.... Thanks for your time, Brad SoCoOL Bob If this were treated as a crime would her behavior called ENTRAPMENT ? I wish it didn't exist ... I wonder how many repetitions before it might sink into the mind of everyone that there's something seriously wrong here ... that needs to be fixed. Hopefully, you'll do as I'm doing, and at least try to picture a world of our making, where this kind of thing was not possible, and that real issues of sexual harassment might be dealt with in everybody's interest. As they used to say, and I still say, in my Carnegie days, you don't have to have a clue how it's going to happen, just set the goal. My new definition of SEXUAL HARASSMENT is becoming almost anybody who accuses someone else of SEXUAL HARASSMENT. After all, I've certainly never experienced anything much more Harassing than what was done to me, and it wouldn't have occurred except for my sex. Unfortunately, I been harassed by the best of them, and I don't mean women and I don't mean sex. It seems to me some significant effort needs to take place. If we're going to have a 'action' called sexual harassment, that it be taken OUT OF THE COURTROOM. It's bull !!! I hate to say it but .. perhaps this ... which is supposed to be a joke, says it best. I publish it with my sincerest apologies to any man or woman who might be offended. It is intended as a series of jokes. If it has a reality too it, then maybe we can laugh and learn ??? " WHY MEN CAN'T WIN" If you put a woman on a pedestal and try to protect her from the rat race, you're a male chauvinist If you stay home and do the housework, you're a pansy. If you work too hard, there is never any time for her. If you don't work enough, you're a good-for-nothing bum. If she has a boring repetitive job with low pay, this is exploitation. If you have a boring repetitive job with low pay, you should get off your ass and find something better. If you get a promotion ahead of her, that is favoritism. If she gets a job ahead of you, it's equal opportunity. If you mention how nice she looks, it's sexual harassment. If you keep quiet, it's male indifference. If you cry, you're a wimp. If you don't, you're an insensitive bastard. If you thump her, it's wife bashing. If she thumps you, it's self defense. If you make a decision without consulting her, you're a chauvinist. If she makes a decision without consulting you, she's a liberated woman. If you ask her to do something she doesn't enjoy, that's domination. If she asks you, it's a favor. If you appreciate the female form and frilly underwear, you're a pervert. If you don't, you're a fag. If you like a woman to shave her legs and keep in shape, you're a sexist. If you don't, you're unromantic If you try to keep yourself in shape, you're vain. If you don't, you're a slob. If you buy her flowers, you're after something. If you don't, you're not thoughtful. If you're proud of your achievements, you're up on yourself. If you don't, you're not ambitious. If you're totally beat after a hard day's work, you don't give a crap about other people's needs. If she has a headache, she's tired. If you have a headache, you don't love her anymore. If you want it too often, you're oversexed. If you don't, there must be someone else. If you put this up on the office wall, would it be Sexual Harassment ??? Of which sex ??? Hey ... Don't Forget About Me So ... How Is This Case Coming Out ? It was submitted by Brad (sfpd@hotmail.com) I wrote you awhile back about a case that went to trial on 2/9/98. Not sure if you remember me or not. Well I lost the case and will appeal in April after the hearing of how much money I am really suppose to pay. The judge was a woman and she let all of the plantiff's testimony in and restricted mine. It was out and out outrage. I cannot believe the justice system. FACTS: This girls OWN sister got up and testified that she was doing it for the money. I had a witness testify that she (the plantiff) walked into my office and say " Do you think my breasts are too large?" This is after she had gotten breast implants. ( by the way this is happening in a fitness center where I worked ) Then, after the plantiff testified to the fact that I supposedly ruined her relationship with a boyfriend the judge didn't allow the following: Ok, the plantiff contends that I ruined her relationship with a guy named Mike. Well, 4 months later, after the case was filed, the plantiff has a guy come to her house (boyfriend Mike and her lived in the same house ) while Mike was out of town. This was on a Friday ( this is known because her sister had spent the night on that night ). On Saturday a totally different guy came over (still Mike is out of town) and asks her to marry him and she say's "YES". The judge ruled this as irrelevant to the case. IRRELEVANT, SHIT....she claims I ruined her relationship and she states she has trouble being with men. THAT IN MY OPINION "WAS" the case. Well needless to say..... The case was broadcast on 2 TV stations ( not during the trial but after ) and is due to be in 3 different papers. My life is ruined as of now and I have lost my Police Officer position (I was working part-time) and I have lost my job at the fitness center. SO in one single blow by a girl with a history of mental problems (drinking at age 8), trying to kill herself at age 18 or 19 and a history of hearing voices and taking depression drugs my life has been ruined. Anyway, you can print this if you like .....just thought you might like to know that I feel the Justice System "SUCKS." Brad P.S. Could you send me that joke list again? It is the one that states if men do this then this is what they are. I found it funny and realistic. February 13, 1998 .... CNN ... Middle School Bans Hugging Video of Story SoCoOL Visitors ... Continue Sitting On Your Hands OR > From: Ironman Organization: Ironman To: SoCooLBob@Yahoo.Com Subject: Friends SoCool Bob, Man, THis sexual Harrassment stuff IS out of control. I can't believe that the lawyer thought it was bullshit and still wanted, But wait, have heard this before? Yes, yes I think I have. My lawyer said the same thing. Ha Ha The reason why he wanted to settle is to save me money and he said "just cause I think your innocent doesn't mean a jury will. And in my case he was right cause I lost. Hmmmmm Well anyway, I have a question for you. When this happened to you, did your friends back you up and support you? Mine have and it has been great. The funny thing is, you really find out who your friends are when something bad happens. Well I was just curious. I don't know that I can say .. one way or the other .. controversy .. pain .. sorrow ... sadness ... everybody has enough of those thintgs in their life ... I suspect we all tend to shy away from the pain of others ??? I'll say one thing about sexual harrassment. I wonder when they will make it mandatory that there has got to be "proof" of whatever is alleged. Example : A witness. A tape recording of sexual comments WITH the accuser asking for the comments to stop and the comments continue. Or any other "hard" (no pun intended) evidence. He said she said is ridiculous. You know I still think this must be removed from the legal arena .. it doesn't belong there. Yes, make it necessary to prove the allegations, yes .. make the process before going to court a 'real one,' ( the process they have now is a blank check ) yes require no cost mandatory arbitration and/or counseling .. Now .. we're getting somewhere ô¿ô Anyway, Thanks for your time and input, Brad Thank you .. You can see we must not be alone. SoCoOL Comments on Sexual Harassment continue to appear in The Top Ten .. http://www.socool.com/sounds Just Say Yo !!!