Truth will come from experience ?
Luke 11:54. Laying wait for him, and seeking to catch something out of his mouth, that they might accuse him.
I said in What's New that this topic doesn't go away .... unfortunately I've been right. The original "SoCoOL Comments on SEXUAL HARASSMENT" was (were) written out of a great deal of frustration, the cumulative total of which took place over more than a year. It was, finally, my own opportunity to speak, in detail, to the broadest possible audience, about what I saw occur, and how people "behaved." THIS TIME.
How many of you know Lenny Bruce ?
How many know that he was a car salesman?
Harassment is a progressive disease .... and ... it's contagious.Your response is SoCoOL !!!
From: firstname.lastname@example.org (George Staigle)
Subject: Re: sexesBelow is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by George Staigle (email@example.com)
mycomments: When we first started hearing about sexual harassment, it was a case of party 1 telling party 2 that they can't or can have something (raise, promotion, job...etc...) unless they had sex with party 1. Now sexual harassment has taken the the meaning of any matter that offends the "female" party. If you ask someone for a date more than once,
Or Just Once ...
... an off-color joke, even a simple "you look nice today"
how bout he said, she said, he said, " Oooooo."
Incredible .... Had an employer threaten to fire me 7 times .... for various maladies ... wearing sun glasses .... not following "instructions," coming to a meeting 3 minutes late .... important stuff like that .... I complained to the owner, in a SoCoOL way, describing that this particular individual did many good things, but that I did have a desire to have him cease and desist from continuing to threaten my employment. I got some momentary relief, during which time my performance improved significantly, and then was terminated when the same person decided that a written "request for a date" ... and reportedly saying "Ooooo," to a female customer's pink toe nailed feet, was ground for harassment. The State Unemployment Insurance agreed, calling it "misconduct toward the general public," and denied unemployment.
Two appeals later, this has been determined as not misconduct, and described as a "close call." Haven't found an attorney in twenty phone calls who believes "I have a case," although, I confess, this is not my most important goal :=)
has been labeled sexual harassment. It has joined the ranks of the many other unnessasary lawsuits that are filling our courts today and many people are being unjustly accussed and sentenced. Sexual harassment has become yet another case where the accused is guilty until proven innocent. However, as you showed on your site, even if the defendant is proven innocent he still loses.
But only if "he" chooses ... it hasn't been pleasant ... no question about it ... often seems like a "waste of time," but ... telling others about it ... receiving their EMail ... like yours .... steadily growing a consensus of people who say .... we can do this better .... this has proven very worthwhile.
For some "unknown" reason ... the SoCoOL Comments on Sexual Harassment continues to get "incredible" traffic ... showing up on The Top 10 List ... consistantly ... I don't know why ... except that there are others out there ... many others, like yourself, who are being given reason to care about this "inconsistancy" in "our" behavior. I have a feeling ... we'll get it ... eventually ... if we just keep doing more things right ....
Subject: Another one bites the dust...From: Name UnpublishedFound your site searching deliberately under "Sexual harassment; false allegations"
Great Search. You see ... we're all learning !!!
Falsely accused, suspended five days with no pay. Filed counter grievance for "lack of due process", arbitration date set for january 1998. (initial hearing/suspension, August 1st, 1997) what a mess!!! Is there no protection for the accused? Is there any light on the horizon?
I am not encouraged by your sad tale!!
(please don't publish my name at this time)
Name UnpublishedThanks for your response to SoCoOL and the SoCoOL comments on Sexual Harassment ....
Not to give advice .... but .... from my experiences ... now having been "accused" twice .... I have learned some things from my experience.
Anyone accused under this "theme" ought not treat this like it is a single instance .... even as it regards their own behavior.
Beauty ought perhaps remain in the "eyes of the beholder" ... but SEXUAL HARASSMENT ought not. I cannot control my behavior based on what you think .... especially when you ... my "accuser" are "unique." IF society really wants to define a "crime" .... they ought to have the responsibility of defining it .... so that law abiding citizens can agree or disagree .... and so that they can know when they have "crossed" the line.
Lawyers will not solve a problem of "adversarial relationship." They define it, encourage it, profit from it.
In addition to being "accused" ... there is an emotional component that is difficult to overcome. The first step in the Triangle of Success suggests that whenever one has determined their own attitude to be "negative" ... they must first ... attempt to "fix" the attitude ... or their behavior will fall short of their own very best. The simple rule, think on positive things.
What's good about your situation ? In your terms. What opportunity is presenting itself that you can believe in .... follow with your best effort. How will you act on this best side of yourself ... to achieve what goal?
I can assure you ... if you do this ... you will probably be acting "alone." Most people are not busy trying to figure out how this situation can work out the best for everyone.
But, then .... that is the problem ... isn't it?
BE ENCOURAGED !!!
Subject: Re: Another one bites the dust...OK THEN DAMMIT!!
Thanks so much for your response. I will check out the site you have designated... Those are great questions you bring up. It has indeed been an opportunity to ask significant questions! I'll be back in touch.
It was submitted by Air Force Girl (firstname.lastname@example.org)mycomments: I would like to know what people think about people who have been convicted of sexual crimes
It was submitted by Brian Grieve (email@example.com)
***** WARNING ***** ... The writer makes references to physical acts which are categorized differently by some people .... the balls are not baseballs, the pants are not to relieve the heat, the kissing referred to is something other than that performed only by Frenchmen/women. ***** WARNING *****mycomments: I have a case for you. Why should it be that you have to be careful what you say or do around certain people? When something is normal behavoir to one kind of girl, if the same behavoir is presented around another girl she can jump to filing sexual harrasment,or in this case a sexual assault case.Thanks Brian ....
I'll give it to you in short, my roomate goes out with a girl who hasn't done much more than kissed a boy in her past.Oh yeah, and she says she is considering becoming a nun. After about two weeks they hook up which included French kissing, to feeling up, to him going down her pants and then she responded by going down his pants. During this interaction he asked her if she was comfortable with what they were doing. Both times she responded yes and with a nod.
After that night, she was upset and didn't want to see him again and then filed a sexual assault complaint because she didn't feel right about what they did. Now because she has a guilty conscience about what she decided to do, she wants to blame him for her emotional distress. He feels terrible now for her to be feeling this way and he wants to do anything to make her feel better. He has obeyed her wishes of not talking to her any more and he even avoids going places where he knows he might find her, for example, on her floor. But now that she has filed this complaint that he sexually assaulted her, that puts him in a lot of hot water now and now he is being asked to leave the dorm builing in which they both live. I think this is uncalled for and personally, I think she just needs to go to confession if she's having these feelings.For your response to SoCoOL and SoCoOL Comments on Sexual Harassment .... Sort of puts "in the mind of the beholder" in a more accurate perspective ..... this is exactly the point isn't ... how can behavior be judged by some subjective standard like the "mind of the beholder?"
It was submitted by Dallas Engleman (firstname.lastname@example.org)
Subject: Sexual Harassment Quiz
body: The first statement is inviting trouble in this sue happy society. On the other hand the second statement could also offend someone, but it could also be seen as there could be a problem lets avoid it. This could potentially save many thousands of dollars in legal fees, or could bring about the opposite result. So who knows how a person will respond to a given statement or situation. The person may be having a bad day and be offended today but under different circumstances not be bothered at all. It all goes back to the eyes of the beholder.Thanks Dallas ...
For the "good answer."
Question ??? That beauty is in the eyes of the beholder thing .... harassment is defined in law as relative to the "victim" .... how do you feel about that *? How must one go about regulating one's behavior .... if 1 out of 100 might be offended ....
There are a lot of "expressions" I found in the "self improvement" world, that said things like " You make you mad."
IN other words, when I get mad ... it's something in me .... not the situation ... that creates the madness ....
"You offend you .... You make you mad."
How do you suppose the proponents of today's Sexual Harassment laws would respond to that ??? How about you ???
What do you think ?