New Hope ?Sexual Harmony

Some SoCoOL Pages Are More Fun Than Others

SoCoOL Visitors Comment On Sexual Harassment
A Theme From The '60'sMaybe now it's time for some musicA Theme From The '60's

I am extremely grateful for the appearance of the following quote:
"When you come to the edge of all the light you have known, and are about to step out into darkness, Faith is knowing one of two things will happen -- there will be something to stand on, or you will be taught how to fly."

Some SoCoOL Pages Are More Fun Than Others

I confess .... SoCoOL Bob has a real problem with this discussion. This confession is at least partially based on the fact that "it happened again." By that I mean .... someone has complained of SoCoOL Bob's Behavior .... in writing a note .... indicating I would be interested in a date ... and asking if the person was single. This was not a fellow employee.

This written question ... became ... once again ... a cause for TERMINATION.

The problems I have with this are numerous. To SoCoOL Bob ... it now feels like being branded a "serial killer" or something. I now ... not only have this original accusation .... but now I'm a repeat offender.

Little wonder ... you see ... I don't agree with what WE have done here. IN fighting discrimination, it is my opinion, we have lost our ability to discriminate. We no longer seem to know the difference between right and wrong ... we don't know the difference between good and bad ... indeed .... for many of you ... on this subject ... SoCoOL Bob has become "the bad guy."

Take the not SoCoOL Harassment Quiz

I'm not sure there is any immediate escape .... for me ... in this dilema. IN conversations with employers, "The State," lawyers, etc. they are perfectly content to convey the notion that ANY BEHAVIOR ... if complained of by another party .... constitutes HARASSMENT. The very act of complaining ... and nothing else .... has risen to the point where it becomes justification for denying another the right to earn a living. And I ... am put in the position of saying ... hey .... you're sick. You are creating a situation where SEVERE PUNISHMENT is being applied to an act which is perfectly normal and civilized. Hey ... I like you ... I"d like to get to know you better .... would you be interested ? NO ... YOU'RE FIRED !!!

The kind of problem that this creates for someone like SoCoOL Bob is incredible. I am a communicator. I am a question asker, and need I add, I'm single. ( I have never yet .... been even accused of wrong doing ... for asking a guy if he wanted to play golf ) .... I am ... on occasion a sales person .... presenting a point of view ... with which my audience may agree or disagree ... and frankly ... I LOVE that process. In many ways, it is the only hope for improving our races. And just as frankly, a great many of you, it would seem .... can't handle it ... I can only wax philosophical in this moment. A great many of you need to discover how important it is ... that Jonathan be given permission to fly.

I am also a person, who is in a position to be commended, and criticized, for the exact same act. I enjoy the fact that people react differently to things .... I recognize it. I have often been praised for being straigthforward and honest ... and I have been criticized and complained of .... as well.

Unfortunately ... the power .... seems to have transferred to the complainer. My opinion is that this "crime is in the eye of the beholder stuff HAS GOT TO GO. It is capricious, it is arbitrary, it is unjust. How did the act of asking someone if they are single .... become a cause for termination? How did indicating that one thought enough of someone to want to get together with them socially .... become an act of harassment. Is it because this individual ... and now, perhaps ... this society ... has become so traumatized by various acts of genuine aggression and harassment ... that we associate every other act ... however benign .... with those acts. Have we .... SoCoOL Bob ... wants to know ... genuinely lost or are losing ... our ability to "discriminate." How ??? Why ??? Can we get it back ??? How ???

What gives here ? What is it dear reader that you see? Are you one who would recommend, as many have, forget about it. Go on with your life. I tell them I have, but I confess, as well, forget about it ??? You know SoCoOL Bob is feeling very abused here. Is that your recommendation to others who are being abused? Is that what you now say to the wife who is being beaten by her husband .... the employee who is discriminated against because of their race .... the man or woman of any age who is actually molested or raped. Would you say to them ... forget about it? Go on with your life? Would you say do not fight injustice where you find it? Or would you say that it is SEXUAL HARASSMENT to ask someone for a date .... ???

SoCoOL Visitor's Continue To Respond

Greg Sharp (GSharp1022)

mycomments: what a huge case of pure cow pie!!!I don't have an answer on how to make it better, I just know how badly it sucks. We are left totally defenceless and in the end feeling raped all and broke all because someone felt uncomfortable and didn't have the guts to tell the "harassers". good luck


Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Bill Larkins (

mycomments: I found your story very intrigueing .... I can see the emotional pain seeping through the words.. though my situation has not escalated to the level of your case. I to have been searhing the web to find someone who cares about the accused.

I was recently was promoted at my job to a level where I am a target for anyone who wants to make a buck. Not 4 months after my promotion I have had this female associate claim that the pat on the back I gave her in conversation was sexual harassment.

The company in an obvious case of protecting itself, drafted a letter of very strong words, including my termination if this ever happens again. I have currently refused to sign this letter and am now looking for ways to defend myself.. hope it goes better than your case.. If you have any sites I can get more information.. please send it to me... Thanks

PS.. None of the male co-workers have filed claims when I put my arms around them or pat them on the back If females want equality in the workplace they had better learn to lightin up or not use unsuspecting males as a road to financial security... either through divorce or now this almost guaranteed cash cow.

We're seperating ourselves from each other ....

Where's This Train Headed ???

From: ()
Subject: sexes

Below is the result of your feedback form.

mycomments: I think that this is veri "beutiful"


Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Nidal Ali (

mycomments: It is a natural phenomenon that man and woman are attracted to each other. This is how we are created. This is the tendency. Now when you provide the opportunities for both sexes to meet, whatever you theorize on sex relations, this tendency is in the backmind of both parties.

If this is so, what are the options? In a research on what satisfy people and give them satisfaction to do their work, it was found that sex was a priority! Therefore the options are:

  1. Either tell one of the sexes to st ay at home and not work. or
  2. Segregate sexes, since society needs the efforts of both males and females.
If we want both efforts there is nothing to say that they should be in the same place or field..

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Melanie Seitz (

mycomments: I feel that you can never recieve harmony among the sexes because the more sexual harassment is discussed and the more laws the worse it gets. I am a women; however, feel that because of all the laws protecting us that men are increasingly becoming more and more sexually harassed. In other words because they are men they seem to have less rights in order for society to protect the women. I feel that the law doesn't understand that not all men are at fault and that with these laws they are furthering the sexual harassment.

Oh ... please excuse me ... I just can't resist saying ... God Bless You

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Amanda Pappas (

mycomments: I wish that we did not have sexual harassment, but since we alsways will, we just need to be more careful about what we say and how it will affect other people and their feelings. There has always been sexual harassment, but before now no one has reallly spoke out about it because it didn't affect people's reputations and their feelings, actions, etc. as much as it does now days. I think that some sexual harassment cases have been tooken too far. Such as the boy that got kissed on the cheek.

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by H. jaccaud ()

mycomments: She joined the army!!!!

WhAT IN GODS NAME WAS SHE THINKING IT WOULD BE LIKE!!!! So whenever a women joins the army, they should forget about their condition. Most of I don't really know what the perentage of men and women is but for sure there is much hire rate of men than women. Women know that whenever they joint the army they are going to a men's world!!!!!!! Wake up!!!!

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It was submitted by molly (

mycomments: If any one reading this has any information on sexual harassment, will you please e-mail me some. I am doing a paper on sexual harassment and would appreciate all the information I can get. Thank you!

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Dreamer who try to dream (

mycomments: Hi, I became angry with lots of unidealistic society. Why only woman could be a victim? Is this society only for man? I live in Korea, amore conservative nation, so man is still superior than woman, unfortunately. But it's not for conservative nation. The opened society, U.S. is the same, it makes me surprise. I think no matter what the developement of society is outstanding, it's deep-rooted all over the world.

But I'm a optimistic person. Who made is society? Does God give us this unfair society? We made it, and our ancestor made it. And the important thing is we have opportunity to change this massed-up world. But I don't mean that we have to stand over the stupid man. We could share this world in balance. We should be free from the predudice. Let's be simple, let's be good, then world would be better.


Where's This Train Headed ???

From: (Jeff)
Subject: sexes

Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by Jeff (

mycomments: I am a police officer instructor and have been assigned to teach a course on sexual harassment in the workplace to all of the cities employees. Please send any documents or information Thank you for your help in this matter.

I think the kind of issues presented in
would make for an excellent introduction to an interactive discussion of ....

How are we supposed to handle this if something like this occurs .. Then ... change the facts ... suppose I was harassing her ... etc.

Where's This Train Headed ???

From: (Machelle)
Subject: sexes

Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by Machelle (

mycomments: That was an awful story I just read and I am sorry it had to happen to you, but not all cases are like that one. I was being sexually harrassed by another employee, and made several attempts to make him stop, by going to the general manager, and when he did nothing I went to the area supervisor. I was the one that was fired, nothing was done to him whatsoever. He would say things to me like "wrap those long legs around me and make me scream" or "put one of those big tits in my mouth so I can die a happy man". I know what that lady did to you was awful, and she is what ruins it all for the women really experiencing sexual harassment. Thank you for letting me write this little tid bit of information for you and good luck in whatever you do.

Thank you Machelle ..

For your response to SoCoOL ... and Sexual Harassment. I know only too well that genuine incidents of Sexual Harassment occur in many directions .... indeed .. by the very definition used in the current law .... the nature of the act itself is literally defined as in the "eye of the beholder."

I guess my question is .... even if there is a desire to improve the relations between all peoples ... for a great many combinations of reasons ... is a process at law .. with $300.00 plus per hour lawyers ... insurance companies ... employers etc. the way to go about it ????

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Dwight Davis (

mycomments: Individuals have been given the legal powers (via too many lawyers, etc.) to merely threaten a company with sexual harassment and get paid a neat little sum of money. Why? Simply because the legal fees for defense (guilty or innocent) far exceed the payoff. This is simply extortion and blackmail sanctioned by the courts. Society pays for this luxury in the same way that it pays for outlandish insurance premiums to insurance companies that pay off thousands of smaller claims with no justification. This ridiculuous state of affairs is creating an artificial atmosphere in the workplace that create other problems. I think business is already getting the idea of a total conversion to a gender that carries less liability with it.

Careful .... we're starting to get a consensus ...

It was submitted by Judy, AK (

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Judy, AK (

mycomments: The headings and artwork at the top of your page tell me a great deal. You are mistakenly assuming that sexual har- assment has something to do with the expression of sexuality. Sexual harassment should more accurately have been called gender harassment: sex is only one of the tools used by some perpetrators.

You mean the title Sexual Harassment ... Sexual Harmony ... What do those two words tell Harassment .... Harmony tell you ??? What does the Van Gogh tell you ???

HOw does one determine that ones' behavior is motivated by a difference in gender ??? As opposed to that one is just doing whatever it is ... cause that's what one does ??? I have never been accused of Sexual Harassment .. and I suspect very few have ... for inviting a guy to dinner or to play golf .... or ... PERHAPS MORE IMPORTANTLY ... if they'd like to be friends ...

The goal of sexual harassment is not sexual fulfillment. The perpetrator's goal is to exercise power and control over the victim, since he (overwhelmingly "he") Ladies ... I believe you have an additional problem with this .... HE IS ALWAYS (99%) the PERPETRATOR ... and WE ???

feels a lack of power and control in other arenas of his life. This makes sexual harassment similar to both sexual assault and domestic violence. And the effects on the victim are also similar, varying only in degree.

You see ... I told you these people are reacting to something else. Isn't it the lady who feels the lack of power and control? And where does this come from ... what personal incident in the lives of what others leads to these conclusions.

In this scenario ... what is the difference between sexual harassment ... and ... for example ... harassment .... I've very seldom had an "employer" who didn't attempt ... indeed .. insist on exercising control. Do you agree this should fall into a legal classification that involves the kind of attorney involvement I've described ??? Why?? What end result will we achieve with regard to the sexes by our current laws ???

I'm sure that some plaintiffs in some sexual harassment cases have lied, just as some who have claimed rape have fabricated their stories. However, just as the overwhelming majority of sexual assault complaints are valid, so are most claims of sexual harassment, I suspect.

Do you think you'd make a good juror with this attitude ??? You see .... SoCoOL Bob could not win with you. SoCoOL Bob would be guilty of asking you for a date ... wouldn't he ?

In fact, as is the case with sexual assault, it is likely that most cases of sexual harassment are never reported to anyone. The victims suffer in silence, quit their jobs, and wonder what they did wrong to "deserve" such treatment at the hands of their fellow humans.

As you can tell ... I'm not in the habit of keeping my mouth shut about anything :) Am I being discriminated against because of it ? Does it matter if it isn't for race, sex, religion, age, disability etc.? I guarantee the idea of fair treatment is a part of my religion.

I have worked in a male-dominated field for over 13 years. I have sought to "fit in", asking for no special treatment.

Would it be special treatment to ASK for permission to use the word "sweetie" or "honey" ... if one felt like it .... would it be special treatment to be allowed to say you look lovely today ....

Nonetheless, I received "special" treatment in the form of harassment and discrimination. I have twice foregone opportunities to sue my employer, choosing instead to "work within the system" for change. There has been some change but not enough to make much difference for me or for the other women hired since I was. (All three have quit.)

I'd love to hear more .... you took the meat out of your message when you failed to describe the PERSONAL EXPERIENCE you've had. Without the experience ... you are forced to deal in words and conclusions ... and allow no room to empathize .... How can I ask myself the question How would I feel ?? How would I respond ??? What solution would I recommend if I don't know what happened ???

I have worked in an employer dominated field ... most of my life .. have sought to fit in ... and have even ASKED for special treatment on occasion. I can guarantee that by the definition described in everything I know about Sexual Harassment ... I have been harassed by a great many employers ... I just don't have a CASE ... cause this law doesn't cover the behavior ... it covers SEXUAL DIFFERENCES ... and it isn't afraid to say so ... It even CREATES so much power that the offense is DEFINED by the OFFENDED.

It irritates me to have to deal with attorneys, knowing that only they will really profit from all this. (No amount of money can restore my health or the years of misery I've endured...) Unfortunately, it appears that only litigation and great monetary loss can convince some individuals and entities to give up their accustomed bad treatment of other people.

You know, I hate to say it ... but there's very little evidence in my "personal" experience ... to suggest that these people haven't continued their bad treatment of people. They just have to be more careful about their reasons.

Until somebody comes up with a better means of causing change, we will all have to continue to rely on our flawed legal system. So it goes...

Sadly ... I see little evidence that the legal profession will make any significant contribution to the solution of this problem. As I continue to experience what has occurred to me, read what readers have to say, put into perspective what I see in the news ... I'm getting closer and closer to wondering out loud, if it isn't time we repealed some of these laws. People of good will unite to say .... If we want to increase ourselves as people ... we need to walk away from the notion that legislation that seperates us can continue. Black people are going to have to depend on their own good actions .... and the others of many others of all different races ... to continue to increase their personal dignity. Women are going to have to come together with men of good will to find solutions that work .... rather than perpetuating negative notions. These laws haven't gotten us any closer to God ... than did The Ten Commandments. We need the Spirit of the Law to manifest itself in righteous behavior .. and we need to stand up against the real sins against humans ... rather than spend the rest of our time .... tilting at windmills.

Perhaps ... we ALL need help ???

Here's a suggestion .... the legal system is by definition ADVERSARIAL ... What normally happens between ADVERSARYS .... A legal case involves my accusing you and you defending yourself One of us will be adjudicated WRONG ... Two married people go to an attorney seeking a divorce ... guess what's going to happen ???

We won't all become better together ... until we cease becoming adversaries.

Where's This Train Headed ???

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Sergio Loredo (

mycomments: This was a very interesting story, as I see it, but was it really sexual harassment? Where is the justice, was she really? If she lied, she still recieved money ... why. Hard to see the outcome, as the naive one you came out but others do not, when falsely accused.

I'm in the Military, right or wrong once accused that is it. career is over and you are looked as one that failed. even if the female lied, and was wrong.

I belive education is the only way to stop this and if is really happening it really needs to be address but no matter what at this time is like our Judicial system and is failing.

I really don't have much else say.

I really enjoyed this article and learned how expensive it is to deal with this and I hope never have this problem.

There are a lot of people who are going to just pass this by. They won't look for it ... they won't find it ... they won't care if they do. What makes it all worthwhile is that every once in a while ... someone finds it .... and expresses in the most simple terms .... that they appreciate it having been told.

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by

mycomments: I was sexually harassed during the four years I served in the Army. There was absolutely NO way I could resolve or deal with the problem - especially when the Company Commander (who should be concerned with every soldier in his company) chose to turn me over to the Battalion Commander. I was turned into a "secretary" overnight. It ruined a marriage and damaged a naive little girl (me). Anyway, I would like to find others who have had to deal with this

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Stephen C. Allen, Ph.D. (

body: I conduct seminars and workshops for school districts on the topic of sexual harrassment. I am interested in hearing from others about their experiences of harrassment in the public school system(Jr high, senior high). Thanks for providing this forum. Respondents can email me at:

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Alexis Gonzab (

body: I am working on a project that needs some information about Sexual Harrassment among young children in elementary and junior high schools. Could you give me any information, or could you refer me to a specific web site that you think could inform me about this topic? Thank you for your time. _

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Mike (

body: I think that this sexual harassment deal has realy gotton out of hand,because if a women hears a guy say something about a girl like she has a nice but she can get you for sexual harassment even if it was not amied at her.

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by ()

mycomments: Sexual harassment will always be a major issue in this world unless something is stoped by you and me!!! I am a 13 year old girl in north brunswick nj. Girls go trew a lot of things, but getting harrased is the worst.

Last week on my bus two guys that are popular, and that used to be my friends, started with me and my friends. first they would say things like "hey baby just looking at you gives me an erection. than they started to touch us in ways we didn't want to be treated. after we pushed them away they would take our heads and push us down to there private parts. as if we were giving them a blow job. we thought it was nasty so we moved to the front and they wouldn't stop. they fallowed us up and down the bus touch our butts, and looking at us like they liked what they saw or something. it really scared us that they did that. then the next day we reported it to the office in hope that they would take hem off the bus. but they didn't all they did was ove them to the front. they still continue to do this, and we keep on reporting it. yet nothing is being done to protect us.

I don't like to reprint EMail that I don't know where it came from. I especially don't like to print it if it uses profanity ... speaks of bodily parts ... talks about real acts of "sexual harassment" etc. I recognize that it is possible, like any of my EMail ... that this is not a true incident .. .. from a real person.

But ... on the other hand ... what if it is? What if this is a real EMail from a real person who experienced what you have seen here described?

Is there anyone here who cannot see the difference from this behavior ... and asking someone for a date?

And how shall we deal with this behavior? What shall we say to the victim? Take em to court .... win a million dollars? Sue the school? Take em to court ... convict them of a crime? Ignore them?

Shall we, at least, in response to this EMail say .... I'm really sorry this has happened to you. I agree that this is not right. No person should be subject to unnecessary touching .... to be the victim of excessive profanity and ridicule. IT isn't right. Not all of us on this planet have learned these lessons ... perhaps ... we are learning them now. But ... please .... don't give up hope. There are others ... lots of others ... who understand. There are others ... true friends ... who will stand up and represent you ... empathize with you ... help you to overcome. Even these boys ... need to be appreciated ... not for this act ... but for the notion that we all know is true .... NOBODYS PERFECT. This behavior must stop ... but not the behaver. Wouldn't you like to help the behaver ... if possible .... to improve their ways and come on over ... to the other side. I would.

It was submitted by don't worry about it (chc )

mycomments: well I can totally relate to this subject I have been harassed many time I am a 21yr old female. The worst part is this. When I did tell everyone about the first attack I was treated as the attacker and not the victim, which sucked. Not only that but one of my co-workers found out about the incident so he began to harass me as well and he said no one would believe , and he was right when I went to my superiors everyone thought I was just freaking out because of the first incident. Anyways no one did anything about it. The guy never got fired and he continued to do it, so I had to quit my job and actually gained 30lbs because of this incident. I was petrified ever since I could not go anywhere or do anything because of this it really messed me up. So I guess Im still dealing with it.

I have decided to just leave it all up to Jesus Christ because through him I have been able to go on.

Now there's a friend who understands ...

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Angela (

mycomments: I'm 18 years old and I remember when I was in seventh grade, I was called the worst names you could think of for something I didn't do. The main nickname was fingerhut and the boys and girls called me that. Being so young and unpopular, I thought it was good that I was finally getting some attention. It really killed me emotionally, though. And I had blocked it all out until this year and have some resentments about it.

The main reason I wrote you is to talk about the recent gossip here in Montana. Recently, the Park County Sheriff, Charley Johnson, got suspended for sexual harassment and I can't figure out how he could be so stupid to risk his job and everything else for sex. Not to mention, he's making the voters and the Livingston Police Department look like idiots(They are idiots anyway). He is setting such a bad example for an authority figure, It drives me insane.

You're not alone ....

Just forget about it ... it'll pass .... ?

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Lee C. Drinan (

mycomments: Hello!

After reading your summary of the proceedings of a sexual harassment case (well, before reading it too), I have determined that the entire 'sexual harassment' concept has developed into a crock of shit. It started with a noble purpose, but now it is being taken advantage of for the personal gain of simpering feminists who don't understand that you have to *work* to get anywhere.

I am female (in case you couldn't tell by the name), but I don't agree with the rest of my sex on this one, I guess. One of my parents is a lawyer for a major company, and the number of sex harassment lawsuits that get filed against them is *amazing* - and they're usually after these women have been fired for something unrelated. Hmm? Can't they just file for unemployment? Why do they have to try to milk millions of dollars out of an honest company?

Ugh. People suck.

Yes Lee ... maybe "some" people do ....

Where's This Train Headed ???

was submitted by () .... a lot of anonymous emailers respond to this subject ...

mycomments: Some people need to lighten up. Others need to find a sense of humor.

Few people are honest with each other, and the ones that are don't seem to worry about sexual harassment. Personally, the whole subject is a waste of time to discuss. Take complements, as complements and stop being so paranoid. If someone flirts, enjoy it, or turn them down.

There are usually zero hidden agendas in saying hello to someone, and those people who are enraged by receiving complements should take the stick out of their ass.

Touching someone on their private parts is sexual harassment, patting them on the back or arm is not.

Thank ya.

Thank You

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Alexis and Suzie (

mycomments: At age 13 i was sexually assaulted (Alexis) in my own school, with my best friend (Suzy) witnessing. While I was on the floor and *Bob (we'll call him that) said that he was performing a martial arts move, he proceded to assault me. At the time, Suzie and I didn't think it was that big of a deal, even though we knew that he shouldn't have done it. We were both very, very hurt and uncomfortable around him, but neither of us really told anybody. Until we found out that Bob had assaulted 25 other females in our school, including a few teachers. (Keep in mind that our school is very small, with only about 300 kids.) We all had a couple of meetings expressing how he made us feel and what we wanted the school to do about him. So you can guess how we felt when he was only out of school for a week, and just had to apologize to us. I don't think either of us will ever forgive the school for doing that. Now, as we both reach age 14, we still feel sexual harassment is a wide problem and must be stopped.

Thank You,
Alexis & Suzie
*Please feel free to write back to us.

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Janine Blanc

mycomments: Sir----First of all, you go on and on about a situation which you describe horribly. SEXUAL HARASSMENT IS HAPPENING EVERY DAY! Unfortunately, this is still a man's world, but be aware, it will soon be a WOMAN's!!!! We have been subjected to you assholes for too long and we are fighting back. You may not have done wrong, however, you may have contributed. Men make lewd and inappropriate comments and suggestions to women everyday. I know. AND----I fight back. I am not a bitter woman, nor am I ugly by any accounts. I am smart, educated and model material. BUT!!!! You assholes hit on me like I want it, like you have some bohemian right to do it. WELL--you asked for feed back so here it is....FUCK YOU and all of you jerks who think this type of behavior is acceptable. The only peace I can get is that you are every aspect of your life.

Now ... you see ... this is the type of "lady" I would get in trouble with .... no doubt it. To me ... what I see is that she has been hurt ... and I don't know how or why. I would be inclined to want to know ... to ASK ... what happened .... and yet I know ... that the mere ASKING could hurt some more.

It is in the nature of things.

I would like for this person to consider ... even though I might suspect that she is not in a position to do so right away ... that there is another way ... another attitude .... another feeling that might help overcome the pain.

We are isolating the victims ... and creating more.

I have said it before on SoCoOL .. but each of our personal growths is in fact dependent on the growth of others. We cannot get beyond the victims we create. What one person or more has done to this person ... has effected me ... ANYWAY .... even if I dare not or try to get involved. It has resulted in laws that don't cure things ... and other people who perpetuate the harm.

How do we stop it ...

Let's talk about it ....

Where's This Train Headed ???

From: Steven Breitbart
Subject: reply

I have been accused of sexual harassment by one of my employees.The charge is totally false and I have statements from all of my other employees that I have never engaged in such conduct and am not the kind of person to do so! Now what? I have to spend hundreds of dollars defending myself against this fraudulent charge and the perpetrator wants to be paid to "go away".Is this fair?Any suggestions from anyone?

I recommend that you do the best you can to pursue the truth. It can be very difficult ... and it can be O.K. to cop out as long as you are able to speak the truth.

The only "threat" that I know of that can have any impact on the positive side of the case ... if you can ever find any assistance to pursue it .... is ... especially if the accuser has no assets ... to go after the attorney.

The attorney for the plaintiff is generally the one who makes these cases possible ... and profitable ....

They take these cases on contingency ... and invest in their own skill of knowledge of the potential outcome ....

A settlement ... for a large amount of money ... is often the end result .... from an insurance company ... of course.

IN the meantime ... I recommend you participate in publicizing the current process ... so that perhaps someone ... someday ... may succeed in creating a process which has some meaningful goal other than legal damages for a highly nebulous statutory "crime."

Where's This Train Headed ???

From: (Jim Mangano)
Subject: sexes

mycomments: I worked for the NYS Governor's Office of Employee Relations and am a male victim of sexual harassment and hostile work environment in a female controlled environment.

I was punched in the stomach, just above the groin without provocation, had to endure a sign being posted in our office frequented by the public which said:"All men are idiots, I married their king", I was verbally degraded for my masculinity and being an "angry white male" at a public workshop. When I made a complaint about tency, the NY Lottery, a female made a public statement on day: "I'm not speaking to men today, they make me mad, they have the stupid gene you know". I wonder what would have happened if a male had said that about a female. When I notified our agency executives about the public statement, they rewarded me by neglecting to do anything about it, and then by telling me they just don't believe it. They have also made good on other forms of retaliation, some of which are trying to block me from transfering etc.

Thanks Jim ....

For your response to SoCoOL and Sexual Harassment. I particularly appreciate your "specificity ..." and would appreciate if you could add any other important ingredients to what you've written ... fill in the part that's missing ... add carriage returns so the format might come out a little better .... AND ... answer for us the question ... as a result of your experience, and considering the experiences of others, what would you recommend "we" all do to improve the situation. What do you think of the current legal remedies ???

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Vickie (

body: I just wanted to say I've been there done that. And let me tell you it is not pleasant to go through the joking is one story but, when the male thinks he can take advantage of a woman just because he wants to or because he' had a few to many drinks then tries to lie their way out of it is just to much.

My ordeal happened over a year ago and this guy is still working in the same place and still doing the same things. I did file a lawsuit against him and the company we are finally starting to get ready for depositions now . I hope when this whole thing is over the big bosses and the employee no longer have a job. because they are in a field where there are children involved. I had to see a counselor for over a year and i also suffer from depression due to this but I am a survivor and the Lord will provide and protect.

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Hondo (

mycomments: Naive Bob, if your statements are true, you and your partner received a bum deal. Even though, I am a female I do not appreciate anyone that uses his or her gender, race, or position to win legal favors. I do believe their are individuals that are sexually harassed and this impairs their ability to work and function in their private lives due to fear of losing their job or retaliation because of refusal to meet the request. However, I do believe everyone should have a right to express their side to a lawyer or state their case when accused of an illegal act and be present when negotiations are being discussed. You may be justified in saying you and your partner were the victims. Furthermore, I hope things workout for you and your partner.

Kathy Fannin (

mycomments: Individuals who abuse their power to deny women any civil or constitutional rights should be held personally, financially, and criminally liable for "hate" crimes against women. The management staff, and the company should also be liable professionally, financially, and criminally when they go along with and/or tolerate such discriminatory behavior. Does everyone involved in trying to get legal representation find it impossible to find a competent attorney who will work on your behalf? Why are there no real consequences to perpetrators of hate crimes or to attorneys who intentionally sabotage your case, i.e., not filing suit, not responding to illegal actions against you, allowing your time limits to run out, etc.?

Where's This Train Headed ???

It was submitted by Unicorn Lover ()

mycomments: I was in the seventh grade. These guys were all laughing and they told Alex* "I swear. All you have to do is talk to her and she'll sleep with you. The next day Alex* came over and started talking to me. Then he started rubbing his hands up and down my legs, and feeling between my legs. I told him to stop, and he complained because I was playing hard to get. I said I didn't know what he was talking about. He then told me that all the other guys said I was easy. I decided to keep it quiet, and after a few weeks of slapping him every time he touched me, he quit. I was satisfied just knowing that he wasn't bothering me anymore, but I now realize that I should have turned him in. Two weeks ago, the guy raped his fifth victem. I feel bad, because I could have stopped him four years ago.

Where's This Train Headed ???

From: (Caitlin)
Subject: sexes

Below is the result of your feedback form. It was submitted by Caitlin (

mycomments: I think it's really great that you have the courage to stand up to sexual harassment! I am doing a projest on sexual harassment for my grade 12 class and your document will be very helpful.

-Caitlin Henry :) form Canada!

Thanks Caitlin ... you too !!!
Your response is SoCoOL !!!

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