SEXUAL HARASSMENT

New Hope ?Sexual Harmony

SoCoOL Visitor's Respond

Matthew (lumenrc@iinet.net.au)

In this Stone Age sexual harassment is exploited. People will fabricate incidents of rape or abuse either to make some money, or to bring attention to themselves. These exploiters ruin careers, reputations, and images, regardless whether it is proved their supposed "attacker" is innocent. What about those who are victims of Sexual Harassment Exploitation? This issue needs to be further discussed, and cases of sexual harassment should not be biased in the assumption that the victim is truly the victim. Superstars and the rich and famous are prime targets for this exploitation, but they are not the only ones.

pete (peta chip@aol.com)

In my opinion, which means little, I believe that sexual harrassment is an invalid, unjustified law. It contradicts the first ammendment which grants me a citizen of the United States of America the right to free speech. No suddenly there taking this right and telling me it no longer applies. Well that's bullshit. I have the right to say what I please, that's the beauty of this country. If I offend anybody, well that's to damn bad. Who are they to tell me what I can and can't say. In my situation i found this girl so unatractive i would never make a sexual comment towards her in the first place. I wouldn't touch her with a fifty foot pole. It's just not right for this kind of horse shit to be going on. My forefathers obviuosly thought that I deserved this right, and gave it to me to take advantage of, and when I do I get shit upon. That really pisses me off but that's just my opinion.

Congratulations on stating YOUR OPINION. Watch as YOUR Comments build up, causing others to think and then respond. Will there be a consensus? Will you be able to walk a mile in their shoes as they walk a mile in yours?

Ron Chandler (rchandler@mailmiworld.net)

Sexual harassment like beauty, is in the eye of the beholder. The real problem here seems to me to be our legal system.The solution could start with getting rid of so many lawyers with nothing better to do. Unfortunately the described sit- uation is one side of the coin.There's a perceptual problem here, what he perceives is evident, what is her perception?

What forum will decide? What remedy?

mycomments: Hey SoCoOL,

My name is John. It's kind of tough responding to such eloquence. I can say that I have been forever changed due to circumstances such as yours. Yes, I too befriended a co-worker unknowingly of her agenda. She too had previous plans before coming to work with us as she also attempted the accusations in a prior work situation. I have lived my life believing that each one of us posesses some sort of redeeming value. In this co-worker, I'm sorry too say that I can't find any. It's frightening. I have never seen this faction of life. Reading your monologue, I believe that you may have lost some of your ability to laugh - is that so? I think I know what is like to be raped. It destroys your heart, soul, and mind. Yes we may have been raped, and to add insult to injury, she may receive sums of money for all of her planning. SoCoOL, I'm sorry but I having difficuly organizing my thoughts because this situation has consumed me for the past 3 years and I'm quite overwhelmed!
Talk to you again. Regards, John

Are we not participating in the solution? Can we not tell our story and have others respond with caring and sensitivity and ... their side of the story?

submitted by Name Removed

Bob,

I applaud your courage and the positive way you express what was a bad experience.

Experience removed for 'fear' of legal retribution ???

Thank you,

Name removed cause of circumstances .. some of which are legally related.

SoCoOL Bob,
Please do write and tell us of your experience ... it is not necessary, to name names, if you choose. What is important is what happened, how you felt, what you learned ... and what you think others might learn as well.

Anonymous

Naive Bob, I agree that the system, as well as the current social environment, hold little respect for honesty, hard work or believing in the fundamentals on which our country was founded. It is a terribly unfortunate reality. One that limits the right to be curious, naive or kind. Unfortunately, naievty is the basis from which most real sexual harassment cases stem. Anger is part of the issues surrounding sexual harassment. Resentment for being wrongly accused goes to both sides. If I am sexually harassed, I have been wrongly accused of being naive, of wanting archaic treatment, of enjoying working in an environment filled with sexual tension and abusive, and negative comments and actions. Unfortunately, ancient social mores reflecting a weaker sex exist in every environment we encounter. It is up to us, then, to work to demistify those mores and refuse to accept them. Thus, the woman mentioned in the above article abused her situation and made the reality of sexual harassment seem somehow less horrifying. However, using anger to deflect personal dissatisfaction needs to be vented in a way that makes a difference. Best of luck introducing your son to the "ultimate" environment where wrongs are intolerable and repressions obsolete.

submitted by Vern Johnson (vktajohn@iwl.net.com)

mycomments: Never screw an employee. It is wrong. You are using your position of authority for coersion and a means to your end. you are not accepting responsibility for your position of autority and are denying or not accepting responsibility.G olfing? Lunch? A day in the park? What the hell are you doing there in the first place except attempting to control someone with your position and feed your own ego at the expense of someone else's life? What about them?


Submitted by Sara Schorrig M.D.

mycomments: Hi!

Much of what you say makes a lot of sense. Would like to quote some of it with your permission. I am a forensic psychiatrist who is under tremendous pressure to complete a book about sexual harassment, incl.false claims. can also write to me at but must warn you that am often out of town. I am sure that eventually we'll have a good long discussion--but can't right now.

Best regards, Sara Schorrig M.D.

Submitted by RW

mycomments: What about same sex sexual harrassment? What if your supervisor is a lesbian and she harrasses you? That has been my case. Not much is talked about this and yet it happens. In fact my life is ruined because of it......
SoCoOL Bob
The happier you will take positive action, one step at a time, to improve your situation.

submitted by monica keashon (mkeashon@www.pfcu.com)

mycomments: Having worked in the automobile business for three years, I enjoyed your story. I worked in the business from the time I was 18 till I was 21. Have I mentioned I am a female? I actually experienced Quid Pro Quo, Hostile Enviroment, and 3rd party sexual harassment while working in the car business. Did I sue? Absolutely not! I was a 21 year old kid who was ill-equiped to deal with the harshness of the car business. How did I finally deal with problem? I left.

I become nauseous every time I hear of a woman setting up a company for money. I get nauseous because I know it really happens. These female scam artists take away from the validity of the real victims.

My purpose in telling you what I think, is to advise you that there are many stories of sexual harassment that are never told. The whole idea of harassment is not, or should not be, a "get rich quick scam. Sexual harassment is about the misuse of power, and the degredation of the victim be they male or female. Thanks for letting me vent!

Submitted by Mary Emily Trump

I'm really glad that somebody is finally addressing sexual harassment for me, not a lot is done about it. They give the boys a refferal or Saturday school and thats it. Teenagers don't need to be harrassed, nobody does. So now that I'm making a whole lot of no sense I'll leave. I just wanted to say thankyou.

submitted by Somebody (someone@somewhere.net)

I am seventeen years old, and though I've had many experiences with guys making comments, suggestions etc. this incident was by far the worst.

I was walking home one night, it was late, after midnight, but I live in a pretty safe neighbourhood so I never expected anything to happen. Along this one street I saw a large group of guys approaching. There were about seven or eight of them and they were a few years older then me. I guess I looked intimidated and they decided to take advantage of that. When we were about to pass by each other one of them leaned in really close to me and spoke menacingly in my ear.

He whispered "RAPE" in a long drawn out fashion. It scared me so much but I couldn't say anything. I just walked away as fast as I could and listened to them laugh loudly behind me. I wish I had the courage to confront them. I never thought of myself as some one who couldn't stand up for herself. I wish even more that the parents of these boys had taught them a little something about how it feels for a girl who's all alone to be tormented like that.

From: (ANONYMOUS..FEAR OF RETALIATION STILL IN MY SYSTEM:())
This SoCoOL visitor did leave an EMail address.
Subject: SEXUAL HARRASSMENT

DEAR, SOCOOL

I JUST FINISHED READING HOURS OF LABOR LAWS AND CODES ABOUT SEXUAL HARRASSMENT. ALTHOUGH INFORMATIVE, IT DID NOTHING TO ELEVIATE THE PAIN I'VE SUFFERED AS A VICTIM OF SEXUAL HARRASSMENT. THEN.... I FOUND YOU:) THANKS, FOR GIVING VICTIMS AN OPPORTUNITY TO SEE THAT THEIR NOT ALONE IN THEIR PAIN.

MY ORDEAL WENT ON FAR TOO LONG AND ENDED WHEN MY MIND AND BODY SAID "NO MORE". I ATTEMPTED TO GET MY BOSS TO QUIT BY DOING MORE THAN I SHOULD HAVE "EXCESSIVE WORKLOAD" THINKING....HE'D STOP IF I WAS TOO VALUABLE OF AN EMPLOYEE TO LOSE. THE JOB LOAD INCREASED, THE ADVANCES CONTINUED AND I BROKE BEFORE I BENT (HIS WAY).

I FELL INTO A 3 MONTH HYBERNATION KNOWN AS DEPRESSION WHICH HAS YET TO LIFT. THERE ARE ALOT OF DETAILS, TOO MANY TO MENTION AND I DON'T WANT TO CRY. I FILED A LAWSUIT AND IT'S CURRENTLY IN PROCESS. NO, I DIDN'T FILE FOR "THE MONEY" I FILED BECAUSE I WAS "INJURED" BY MY BOSS AND IT WAS INTENTIONAL. I ASKED HIM TO STOP, I TOLD HIM TO STOP, I BEGGED HIM TO STOP AND THAT I I JUST WANTED TO KEEP MY JOB TO SUPPORT MY FAMILY. BUT HE DIDN'T AND WHEN I COULD NOT TAKE IT ONE MORE TIME....I WAS MENTALLY UNABLE TO FUNCTION AT HOME LET ALONE INTERVIEW.

THE DEFINITION OF "DEPRESSION" IS ANGER TURNED INWARD....AND I AM SO ANGRY AT MYSELF FOR NOT HAVING THE SELF ESTEEM TO WALK OUT THE DOOR. I PRAISE THOSE OF YOU WHO HAVE AND HOPE YOU HAVE COMPASSION FOR THOSE OF US WHO DIDN'T.

WHEN I READ THE COMMENT'S ABOUT THOSE "LYING WOMAN WHO FILE LAWSUITS, I AGREE THAT IT IS WRONG AND HURTS MORE THAN JUST THE MEN THEIR ATTACKING FALSELY. THEY HURT ALOT OF OTHER WOMEN WHO ARE TELLING THE TRUTH AND WERE VICTIM'S AND ALSO THOUGHT OF AS "GOLDDIGGERS". THEN IF THAT'S NOT BAD ENOUGH IT GET'S WORSE....YOUR BOSS GOES OUT TO PROVE IT NOT ONLY "SUFFER" DURING EMPLOYMENT....YOUR EMPLOYER GET'S TO CONTINUE THE PAIN THROUGHOUT THE PROCESS AND THEN IN COURT.

FOR THE RECORD, THE REASON I'M UP AT 2AM IS THAT I'M THINKING OF DROPPING THE LAWSUIT BECAUSE IT'S BEEN ALMOST TWO THE EVENTS HURTS AS MUCH IF NOT MORE. YOU KNOW WHAT THEY SAY ABOUT HINDSIGHT?YEARS AND I JUST REALLY WANT TO GET WELL AND MOVE ON. NEED CLOSURE.

THANKS FOR LETTING "ME" WORK IN YOUR NON-HOSTILE ENVIRONMENT.

NOT A GOLDDIGGER

Thanks NOT A GOLDDIGGER,

For your response to SoCoOL and Sexual Harassment.

And ... for a great letter.

There is much to learn for each of us ... about PAIN ... our own ... and the pain of others. Each experience we share gives ourselves and others the opportunity to learn and to grow.

It is always difficult to experience PAIN .... that is a part of the definition of PAIN ... that it should hurt .... be accompanied by tension, negative thoughts, physical and emotional discomfort. It is a part of every one of our experiences.

I do believe it is helpful to develop and maintain a growing image of "what it could be like" .... perhaps, "what it should be like" ... and certainly "what it was like" when the moments were better, different, ideal. The times when we have successfully done our part to contribute to a positive situation.

The "real you" is the one with the "positive vision" ... positive experiences .... How can you react in a "positive way" to get the best out of even this "negative situation."

Because of the INTERNET ... you and I and millions of others, now have the opportunity to share these experiences with lots of others. We can see that indeed, there is truth and there are lies. There are the self indulgent ... and there are victims of all shapes and varieties. A great many of us, if not all of us, have a desire to shape our own destiny ... to live out in actual experiences our own vision of how we would like it to be. Most of us have the desire, in our deepest inner selves, to have what we do contribute, not only to our own well being, but to the well being of others.

'Cept, it ain't easy ! It really is ... a SKILL, if you will, to "train" oneselve to be an "actor" ... a "doer" ... of positive things. Since you're "stuck" in this situation anyway, why not spend the "idle" time "thinking about it," thinking about how you can make this better. Picture where you're headed .... picture your own relationship with "the power that makes this whole thing work for good," picture how because of the way you experience this "negative" you and others around you have improved for the better .... then ... when the opportunity arises ... see what you can DO to make it so.

Submitted by YOU?

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