My name is Connie. I am a woman of 30, a mother of two little girls and a wife of 10
years. I say this to make a point, that life does sometime turn on a dime. I know that
without God I wouldn't have made it this far. This may run a little long but I feel that
there many who will be able to relate to what I'm going to say.
As a child, I never lived in what would have been considered a normal family. My mother
had waited to get married before having sex but my father had not. Truth is he was
married to someone else when he married her. She had ne idea but it was still true.
He left her before I was born to go back to his other family. So I've never met him.
I was passed around to differant family for the first 5 years of my life. Then at age 5
my mother married a man and a year or 2 later my brother was born.
I still don't quite know why but when I was about 8, my step-father started to do things
with me. I had already been saved and had a very close walk with God. Still I wasn't
ready for this. It kept up untill finally it was full fledged incest. I didn't know
what to do, after all he wouldn't do this unless there was something wrong with me. I
had to be a terrible person to make such passions come to life in any one.
Now I know
better but it was a long and hard battle to get here. I know that God had carry me this
far because the battle had long since worn me out. For so long I was sure that God
didn't want anyting to do with me because I was such a horrible sinner. I hated myself
so I naturally assumed that He felt the same. This went on for years. I had a long
distance love for God but felt heslpless to cahnge things because I felt like such a
terrible person that God couldn't even be around me because He cann't be around sin.
Through the years I allowed many stupid things to happen to me for 2 basic reasons.
One, I didn't think that I had the right to say no.
Even then, God protected from my own stupidity. His grace for
me has been astounding. He kept me grounded so that I only got into the little things,
that are not without their risk, but they are minimal. He kept many people in my life
that helped me to carry on even when I wanted to die. I could never hurt them and leave
them thinknig that they did this to me. Do you see the grace of God at work here? Life
was painful but He carried it with me.
Two being that I thought there was
no hope for me so why not.
Let's skip on a few years, I met my husband. He's been married 2 times before me and
had some trouble with trust because of it. But we forged a relationship that has
weathered many storms. In 1986 I became pregnant with my first daughter. The pregancy
went well untill the day of birth. The doctor didn't clean her mouth out right and she
was in a childrens hospital for 3 and half weeks. Two of those weeks were intensive
care on the edge of death. I prayed from fear of losing her and my faith was not very
strong bsecause I kind of felt that I would have deserved it if she would have died.
Remember that I felt tht I was pure sin. But God saved her life and better than He
completely healed her so that she has no camplications from it.
I have also been healed
from epilepsy in the last 3 years after having it all of my life. At the time that I
was healed, I was on 400 mlgs. of phenobarbitol a day. I haven't taken it in 3 years
and have had no seizure problems. I didn't have withdrawal problems either. I know that
this has been long winded but life is one long experience and I know that I am not alone
in the things that have happened to me and my family. I wish that I were, so others
wouldn't have to go through these things but I am not.
My point is this, what God has
done for me, He is more than willing to do for others. All He needs is a chance to. He
has brought me from the depths of dispair to a new and fresh walk with Him and I can
forgive those who have hurt me in the past because I no longer need to to hold myself up
with it. I hope that God blesses you with reading as much He has me with sharing it
with you. By the, my brother was healed from water on the brain at only a few months